Alternative Classifications

An exploration of methods of animal taxonomy

The life’s work of a fictional zoologist.

“The specimens presented here are all from the private collection of the prominent scientist and field researcher Professor Zoe O'Logie.

They have been specially selected because they particularly highlight her methods of taxonomy. Zoe is a woman of strong beliefs and one of those beliefs is that current methods of taxonomy are “outdated, convoluted and entirely incomprehensible.”

In her work she pioneers new, alternative methods of classification. She believes specimens should be grouped not by arbitrary features but by facts of their existence that are easy to identify and indisputable.

Her categories include:
‘Those that are Long and Thin’, ‘Those that are Delicious’, ‘Things that are Shiny, ‘Things that Become Other Things’, ‘Things that are Difficult to Contain’, ‘Things that Things See With and ‘Other’”

Uniseribu Snake
Often referred to more simply as the “USB Snake”, these snakes have short lifespans and don’t tend to live longer than about four or five months.

Classified as: Those that are Long and Thin
Vulpes Vulpes
The red fox, largest of the true foxes, has the greatest geographic range of all members of the Carnivora order, being present across the entire Northern Hemisphere from the Arctic Circle to North Africa, North America and Eurasia.

Classified as: Other

Lapidarius Eggs
These eggs of the Lapidarius bird look exactly like various gemstones to deter predators from trying to eat them.

Classified as: Things that Become Other Things / Things that are Shiny

Yellow Belly Fructose SnakeThese snakes have a few colour variations, purple and green, orange and green and sometimes red and yellow and have particularly soft skin.

Classified as: Those that are Delicious / Those that are Long and Thin

Luceat WatermealA free floating plant that grows best in dense colonies in undisturbed water. This type prefers higher temperatures than most Watermeals and is much preferred to others due to its lustrous shine.

Classified as: Things that are Shiny

Inch SnakeClosely related to the less elusive Centimetre Snake, both of which are fondly regarded in zoologist circles as being the easiest animals to measure.

Classified as: Those that are Long and Thin

Argentaray (young)
The reflective surface of its skin means these rays can often glide unnoticed, until they reflect in just the right way and blind other fish

Classified as: Things that are Shiny

Vampire Bat (Viago)Viago the vampire became a vampire in 1832, he asked his familiar to send him to New Zealand to follow the love of his life but the wrong postage was put on the box and when he eventually got there she had remarried

Classified as: Things that Become Other Things

Stick Insect Body Parts (Various)Various body parts of various types of stick insect including : twig, branch , blah blah

Classified as: Those that are Long and Thin

Chameleon EyeballsIn these specimens the eyelids which are usually fused to the eyeball, and the pupils have been removed. The difference between the white and black samples is unknown

Classified as: Things that Things See With

Loofah Soft CoralThis soft coral grows rapidly to fill available space, building up layers to protect its centre.

Classified as: Other

Platy Fish EyesThe eyes of the Platy fish are remarkably flat and their bright white sclera prove a sharp contrast with the bright colour of their scales

Classified as: Things that Things See With